


It's just a bowl

by Mufffy



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: (i wanted to make it happy since i was feeling a little better), (mostly from his sister), Alternate Universe - No Squip, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Families, Crying, Divorce, Domestic Violence, Homophobia, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, It's pure vent, Jeremy has a sister, M/M, OKAY., Other, Slight homophobic language, Sorry guys, Verbal Abuse, disappearing people, implied depression, suicide talk, uh.., vent - Freeform, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 08:50:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13923618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mufffy/pseuds/Mufffy
Summary: Jeremy doesn't live a perfect life. He wants it. Tries to force it. And takes some time to accept it.( Most of it focuses on Jeremy's family, it's got some fluffy bits and at the end it's nice but thats about it )





	It's just a bowl

**Author's Note:**

> I've been going through a lot lately and couldn't focus on writing happy things so i wrote a bunch of agnst instead. I kind of put myself in jeremy's position and made him a sister because i have a brother and.. it's basically my family and .. yeah, im sorry
> 
> If anything comes off as offensive or rude to you i'm sorry.. i'll try and fix it if i can .. it's nearly 12 am and i really wanna just.. sleep, ive been working on the pregnant jeremy fic and the blind ethan one too and im trying to work on it.. but im just strugglng right now so i hope this is an okay thing for now.. i'll try and get on other things later

Jeremy pulled his pillow over his head further, trying to block out the screaming. It’d been going on for nearly three months and then it moved to night time and sometimes Jeremy sat up in bed, listening to them. His parents always argued, sure, he knew that. But it didn’t mean he was okay with it or used to it. Just a year ago they were a happy family. Going out as a family and communication. Now his sister ignored him and hated him. One day she’s barely nice and the rest she screams at Jeremy and tells him she hates him. He sucked it up though, not telling anyone anymore.

So he laid in bed, the pillow practically suffocating him as he lie awake. He sighed, hearing another glass break and a louder scream. He sat up in bed, listening to the screams.

“Why are you like this?!” He heard his mom scream. She was always louder than his dad.

“Like what?! Normal? I’m not the one who just threw a glass because she’s having a temper tantrum!” He screamed back. His mom was overdramatic at times, but he still loved her.

“I am not!” She screamed louder “You’re just not listening to me!”

“I am listening goddamnit! You’re just trying to make everything about you and get upset when I disagree with you!”

“Because what you want isn’t the best thing for the kids!” She screeched extra loud. Jeremy sighed, trying to listen over his sister’s loud music. He smiled a little, happy that she hopefully couldn’t hear them.

“Like you care about the kids! You wanted to leave them-”

“I never said that!”

“You threatened to leave just because you found out Jeremy had a crush on a boy!”

Jeremy bit his lip. He felt his eyes burning just a small bit as tears fell. Of course they argue about him. All the time. Every time. It always revolves around him. He knew it was his fault. But maybe, just maybe he could fix it. He sighed, rubbing his temples. He could fix it. He could fix the family. Yeah. He smiled, thinking about how he would do it. Just go down and talk to them. Right?

He heard his dad scream a little more as he threw the blankets off his legs, swinging them off the bed. 

“He likes a boy, Jonathan! I didn’t raise him to like guys!”

“So what if he likes guys?! You can’t even listen to him for five minutes without knowing he likes boys and girls because that’s what bisexuality is!”

“What’s the difference?!”

“Maybe you would know if you actually listened to any of us!”

She only huffed and Jeremy flinched as he heard another glass break. He got up as far to his door, walking to the balcony above the stairs to stare into the light underneath him. He could barely see his dad’s legs in the kitchen. He smiled bitterly, crouching on the ground before sitting on the ground, leaning against the wooden sticks to keep the railing up right.

“Jonathan I’m not in the mood for your bullshit!”

“You’re never in the mood for anything Morgan!” He sighed, rubbing his temples. He took after his dad.

“Jonathan.”

“Morgan.”

“..Jeremy?” Jeremy froze and looked up to see his mom staring at him. She had tear streaks going down her face. He made a split decision to run for his room or stay put. He thought about going down the stairs to talk to them. A brief idea, but a good mood “..Honey it’s nearly two in the morning, you have school tomorrow” She wiped her cheeks, smiling up at him.

“Uh.. Yeah, I know..” Jeremy mumbled, clearing his throat “I know” He called out a little louder before standing up “I just.. Couldn’t sleep”

“Sorry honey..” She frowned, looking down. 

He frowned, making his way for the stairs. He stopped on the almost bottom step before letting his tears fall “I-I’m sorry- About everything. I know, you didn’t want me to be like this, but I can’t stop it- I .. I can’t make you listen or anything, but I can change” He looked up at his mother, staring into her eyes “Can we work it out and be a family again? I promise I’ll change- I’ll do anything.. Just.. I want what we had back” He whispered, watching his mother’s bright green eyes water again.

“I don’t know” She whispered, hiding her face in her hands “Go back to bed, Jeremy” She sighed, walking past her husband. He tried to stop her, only to be shoved away as she walked to the door.

“Mom- ..Don’t leave” Jeremy cried out, his voice cracking.

“Jeremiah. Go to your room” His dad broke in, staring at the floor.

“You’re just gonna let her leave?” He whispered, watching his mother walk out the door, hearing it slam. One last time. He didn’t know it was his last time, but somehow he could feel it. Just this time, it hurt his mom too.

“Jeremiah” His dad stated plainly.

Jeremy opened his mouth only to close it. He felt his face grow red before he ran up the stairs, slamming his door behind him. He huffed and hit his head against the door, letting himself cry. He couldn’t sleep at this point. He let himself slide to the floor, letting the tears pour. He sighed, rubbing his knee as he swallowed down the bile, threatening to rise in his throat. 

He sat for five more hours, staying still and crying. He eventually stood up, his knees cracking in the position they’d been in all night. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, slowly making his way to the mirror to sit on the floor. His eyes either screamed he’d been crying all night, or he had smoked for an hour straight. He sniffled, his nose a light red. He dragged his knees up to his chest and stared at his eyes. He smiled bitterly and stood up, making his way to his closet to slowly pick out an old zelda shirt and jeans, an old black jacket and found his shoes under his bed. 

He took a breathe and rubbed his eyes. He’d done it before. He smiled and gave a small giggle to himself to keep himself smiling no matter what. He couldn’t let his dad or his sister know he was crying. His dad would try and talk about it and his sister would tease him more.

He eventually got dressed and picked his backpack up, along with his phone, already getting a text from Michael. Asking if he needed to be picked up. Jeremy thought about his options, being teased for looking like he’d been crying for hours or have Michael know he was crying for hours. He sighed and texted Michael a reply to hurry and get him. He picked up his backpack and waited in his room, glancing at the door like someone would bust it in at any second.

He eventually heard a car horn outside and smiled, pocketing his phone before opening his door. He slowly left before closing his door, going downstairs. He sighed, making it to the bottom only to be stopped and caught.

“You’re skipping breakfast?” His dad called out. His voice was quieter than usual.

“Uh.. Yeah” Jeremy mumbled, his throat even shyer.

“You need to eat” His sister yelled, obviously not knowing what happened last night.

Jeremy shook his head, taking a step to the door.

“Jeremy, come and eat” His dad called.

“I’m not hungry” He muttered “And Michael’s waiting..”

“Michael can wait”

Jeremy shook his head “No, he can’t”

“Great, now you don’t wanna be part of the family either” His sister, Sophie cut in. She was only a year younger than him, but she was closer to maturing.

“At least I didn’t leave.” He muttered, still staring at the door.

“Jeremiah!”

“At least I didn’t walk out on us okay?! I could leave right now and never come back, I could’ve left last night! But I didn’t, and you know why? Because I want a normal fucking family!” Jeremy screamed.

“Jeremiah, Language!”

“Fuck it!” Jeremy growled, staring his dad dead in the eyes.

“Sit.”

“No.” Jeremy mumbled, his eyes watering.

Sophie only sighed and looked at Jeremy “Why are you always crying?”

“Because I’m upset. Why do you always hate me?”

“Because you’re a fucking baby”

Jeremy took a breathe and frowned “At least I’m not a drop out” He muttered.

“At least I have friends!”

“I do have friends, and he’s more like a brother to me than you are a sister- Miss “I disowned my own brother because he was a dick to me that one time” “ Jeremy glared. He knew it was petty, but it fucking stung to know his sister and mother didn’t want him.

“You’re not my brother- You think I fucking hate you so fine, I do hate you.”

“Sophia Grace!” His father yelled “Jeremiah, don’t you dare walk out that door or you’re-” 

It was already too late. He slammed the door on his father before running to Michael’s car, throwing his bag in “Drive!” He nearly screamed as he climbed in and slammed the door as Michael started driving. Jeremy looked back to see his dad yelling something at him. He noticed Michael staring in the mirror and frowned “Keep driving..” He mumbled, sinking into the seat. 

After a minute or two of driving, Michael finally got impatient and glanced at Jeremy’s tears “..What happened? You look like you’ve been crying all night..” He whispered, keeping his voice quiet.

“..I have” Jeremy mumbled.

“..What’s going on at home?” He whispered, gripping the wheel tightly.

“Nothing” Jeremy immediately responded, smiling a little “We’re fine” He smiled at Michael. 

Michael frowned, feeling his heart ache. He knew better than to fall for Jeremy’s fake smile. Obviously, something happened or else Jeremy wouldn’t be smiling like.. That. His dimples were too high for them to be natural. 

“Jeremy.. You don’t look fine, You look-”

“Like a fucking mess who wants to kill himself? Congrats, I do..”

Michael stopped the car, staring at Jeremy “Talk to me.” He whispered, his eyes pleading. Jeremy shook his head, staring out the window “Jeremy...You have to communicate for me to make you feel better” He frowned, knowing his own eyes were watering.

“It’s fine” He muttered. He stared at the window, rubbing his eyes “Please just take me away from them..” He whispered, gripping his jacket, holding his knees close to his face, burying his eyes against his knees.

Michael only took a breath and smiled “If it’ll make you happy” Michael glanced at Jeremy again before driving. When they got to school Jeremy had his fake smile still on as he walked down the halls. At lunch, everyone noticed but brushed it off once Jeremy lied and said he was stressed and smoked a little. Believable, sad enough.

School ended quickly with Jeremy still having a fake smile and him running up to Michael, laughing. It was such a fake laugh that his voice didn’t crack. His smile was too forced and his eyes had dread written all over them. Every time Michael looked into those big puppy dog eyes he loved he saw suffering inside his best friend that just broke his heart.

“Mikeeeey” Jeremy smiled painfully and forced a laugh “Wanna go to yours?”

That wasn’t right. It was Friday, only on Fridays do they go to Jeremy’s house “What about yours?” Michael smiled, obviously pretending.

Jeremy’s smile faltered a little before he smiled again “I guess” He laughed, his laugh not even sounding close to real anymore.

Michael got in the car and waited for Jeremy before putting his foot on the petal “So, was school okay?” Michael made small talk, hoping to cheer Jeremy up just the slightest bit.

“Yup,” Jeremy smiled, turning on the radio so they had a little background noise that just turned into regular noise since they both refused to talk. Michael was going to get to the bottom of what was going on.

They eventually made it to Jeremy’s house and Jeremy got out “Just.. Please don’t push it a lot.. Alright?” Jeremy mumbled to Michael as they walked up to the door. Michael didn’t get that. He shrugged and nodded. From what he knew his parents were together and his sister was the sweetest angel Jeremy knew. His dad loved him and his mom was like a goddess he worshipped and he loved them all. And from the way Jeremy talks about them, they’re all great, even though he’s never met them.

Jeremy took a deep breath as he looked around the house as if he’s checking for something “He’s not home” He mumbled, opening the door to take his shoes off, throwing his bag at the bottom of the stairs. He looked on the bare fridge that used to have magnets and pictures a few months ago, now only having a few notes or reminders for the day.

He took the newest long one off and read the list before scoffing, putting it back on the magnet. He groaned and banged his head on the fridge.

Michael smiled a little and put his bag down with his shoes by the door and step, like Jeremy “Uh.. Jer? You good?” He waited for Jeremy to take the note off the magnet and hand it to him before banging his head on the fridge again.

Michael blinked at the list “Chores that better be done tonight or you’re grounded for this morning’s incident” Michael mumbled under his breath, remembering Jeremy running out of the house rather quickly. He frowned and looked at the list “Vacuum, clean the fridge plus kitchen, your room, the bathroom, do dishes.. The twenty on the counter is for money for dinner, there’s an extra ten in your room if Michael comes over” Michael smiled “Dude, your dad just handed all of your chores along with your sisters to you- That’s.. I don’t know” He mumbled, putting it back on the fridge with the magnet.

“Yeah, she refuses to do them” He whispered before sitting up and smiling, still sad. It was bitter and a little forced, but kind of real. Michael hoped. He couldn’t really tell.

“What’s he doing here?” Sophie pointed to Michael from the bottom of the stairs where she came from.

“It’s Michael. He’s always here, and we hang out every weekend”

“So he’s going to be here all weekend? Jeremy, I was having a party since dad’s on a business trip”

“What? No you’re not!” Jeremy glared at her a little.

“Yes I am, try and stop me”

“Sophie, mom would say-”

“Mom isn’t around anymore!” Sophie screamed, glaring at Jeremy intensely.

Michael’s mouth opened a little as he stood there in shock. Jeremy took a breath and smiled just barely “You don’t know-”

“She left Jeremy. She’s gone- She’s not coming back. Neither is Dad! You need to get over that! All you have left is your stupid dad who doesn’t even wanna be here and your freak of a best friend” She sneered, pushing past him to get a soda from the fridge. Michael suddenly realized his sister was no angel.

“He’s not a freak..” He whispered, his voice cracking.

“You’re right. You’re both freaks” She muttered before pushing him away again to leave upstairs “You better be gone by seven or else!” She screamed from up the stairs, Jeremy flinching as she slammed her door.

Jeremy’s breathing was slightly heavy and forced to be calm. His hands weren’t even clenched. He just let them hang lifelessly.

“I’ll do the dishes, you can work on homework or listen to music while I clean. I’m sorry I have a lot to do” Jeremy mumbled, finally looking up to only have glassed over eyes. He cleared his throat, taking his jacket off to turn on the water, waiting until it turned warm “So what game are you thinking about playing tonight?” Jeremy’s smile was still forced as he made small talk.

Michael knew he wanted to change the topic. He sighed and did it anyway “I was thinking something bubbly, like Ocarina of time maybe? Don’t think I didn’t notice that shirt today” Jeremy gave a fake chuckle and started running the water “Maybe Mario Kart, I know you like playing as Daisy”

“She’s the best” Jeremy lightly commented, adding soap to his water “And I still don’t like Peach” He smiled. A small genuine and true smile. Michael smiled and came up behind Jeremy, hugging him around the waist. Jeremy tensed under Michael’s touch. Michael couldn’t help but feel upset over that. Knowing his best friend and crush of nearly four years was uncomfortable with him hugging him. Jeremy eventually melted into his touch though once Michael put his chin on Jeremy’s shoulder.

“What are you doing here, Jeremiah?” Michael whispered. He never realized how it was at home. Jeremy didn’t tell him anything about his mother or dad. Or the fact his sister was a bitch. His dad left. When did that happen?

“What do you mean?” Jeremy mumbled, taking a plate to start washing it. 

“Why are you here.. Living here, and not with someone who can make you feel better about yourself” He whispered. He would tell Jeremy that he loved him right now, but now wasn’t the time for love confessions. 

“It’s my family” Jeremy lightly chuckled. Wasn’t too fake. He moved the plate to the empty sink and moved to the next one, rubbing it lightly with the rag “I love them” He whispered, a tear falling from his eye. Jeremy dried his one hand, reaching up to wipe it away, too late as Michael already had his hand on Jeremy’s cheek “..What are you doing?” Jeremy whispered, his warm hand landing on Michael’s fingers, pulling his hand away to hold it.

“I’ll tell you when you tell me” Michael smirked, watching as Jeremy washed the plates off, putting them in the drainer. He quickly dried his hands before preparing himself “You, Jeremiah, need to cheer up” He grinned, sliding his hands to Jeremy’s sides before tickling him viciously. Jeremy laughed, a true, innocent shrieking laugh that sounded like a rabbit scream. Michael laughed with him, eventually stopping when he heard Jeremy’s sister scream from up the stairs.

“Shut the fuck up! You’re too fucking loud!” Jeremy flinched as she slammed the door again, leaving Michael confused as to why Jeremy couldn’t just be happy.

Jeremy frowned and slowly pushed away from Michael, putting a bowl in the water to wash it. Michael frowned and went for their backpacks, taking out his algebra homework, writing down his answers and going to Jeremy’s paper, writing down the work and answers in a neater handwriting. It became easier to fake Jeremy’s handwriting over the years, about to fake each other’s signatures and each other’s parents signatures. Jeremy could get Michael’s mom’s down pretty well, Michael couldn’t do their parents so well, but he could do Jeremy’s easily.

Michael snapped out of it when he heard a crash and looked at Jeremy. He was looking down at a broken bowl with wide eyes and a rapid breathing pattern “Jer?” Michael mumbled, looking at Jeremy’s face “Hey, It’s okay- It’s just a bowl..”

Jeremy looked up, his chest heaving as he slowly hugged his arms “Just a bowl..” He whispered, sinking to the ground, his feet touching the broken glass. Michael slowly got up and kneeled in front of him, pushing the broken glass away from his feet, pulling him closer to his chest “She’s gone.. She’s not coming back” Jeremy whispered, his voice breaking into sobs.

“Sh, Shh, Jeremy, It’s okay” Michael whispered, rubbing his back while the other hand combed through Jeremy’s hair “It’s okay, everything’s gonna be alright. It’s all gonna work out buddy, you hear me? I’ll make sure it does” He whispered, pulling Jeremy into his crossed legs, hoping most of the glass was over by the fridge.

“She’s gone, Michael..” He whispered “I know she is- She.. She j-just left” His voice shook as he breathed “I watched her walk away.. I let her walk away- She.. hates me. She left because of me” He whispered “She left because she couldn’t deal with my sexuality- and-and she didn’t care” Jeremy’s body wracked with guilt as he sobbed “M-my sister disowned me..? I-I didn’t know that was possible but s-she just.. Doesn’t care!” He held onto Michael’s sleeve, burying his face “And.. n-now dad is gone.. And we’re all alone- and.. They’re not coming back” he whispered, curling in on himself, his hands clenching Michael’s sweatshirt tightly “They didn’t mean it- she.. She loves him, they’re okay.. They’re okay, aren’t that Mikey? Y-You know they’re okay- they’re.. They’re fine” He whispered, hyperventilating into Michael’s hoodie.

“Well..” Michael whispered “I.. I can’t say they’re fine” He frowned, rubbing Jeremy’s back “I’m sorry buddy.. I can’t make them love each other again” He frowned, pressing his lips together. 

Jeremy nodded, understanding his situation as he tried to breathe “..So they’re gone.. They’re gone and no one can fix me” He whispered.

“What?” Michael looked down at Jeremy “Don’t talk like that..” He whispered, “You’re not broken..”

Jeremy smiled, burying his head into Michael’s chest as he breathed in. It smelled like Michael. Weed and chocolate. He smiled, closing his eyes as he breathed the situation in this time. Only being left with a best friend. The only thing he had left. Jeremy gripped him one last time, tighter. He breathed in, accepting it. He had to accept it. 

__

He accepted it.

Nearly five years later. His dad did indeed come back, bringing back Jeremy’s sanity some. His sister disappeared his senior year. He never knew where she went. No matter how many times he called or text, emailed, tried to get in contact with. He could only report it to the police, but they never found her. All he had then was his dad and his best friend.

All he could do was hope that she found his mom and lived together. He sighed, carrying another box into the kitchen of his new apartment. He and Michael actually hooked up Sophomore year and the summer, going into Junior year. They decided to finally move out together and get an apartment near their college. Going somewhere together, of course.

Jeremy put a box down on the counter and opened it up, frowning “Uh- Mikey baby?” He called throughout the apartment, waiting for a reply.

“Yeah, Jere-bear?” An answer from the living room. Jeremy followed it with a bright smile as he poked his head in, smiling as Michael put a box on their table.

“Do you know which box has all our plates?” He smiled innocently, looking through the boxes.

“Uh.. It has handle holes in the side to grab it, that’s all I know, sorry babe” Michael waved Jeremy over. Jeremy rolled his eyes and walked up to his boyfriend, lightly kissing him. Michael smiled holding Jeremy’s cheek to kiss him again, pulling him back when he tried to pull away, kissing all over his face.

Jeremy laughed at the tickling kisses, covering Michael’s mouth “Michael! Kiss me tonight” he joked. He looked at all the boxes and found the one with holes, smiling “Thanks, babe” he grinned, giving him one last kiss before picking up the box with holes, Michael stealing one last kiss before Jeremy pushed him away with his leg and went back into the kitchen “Clingy bitch!” He giggled.

“Only yours!” Michael called from the living room, unpacking clothes.

Jeremy only rolled his eyes and opened the box, taking out cups and opening cupboards to put them away. He moved to plates and found the draw with the spoon and fork dividers, putting them all away. Lastly were the bowls. He took them out and put them on the counter, putting them in one at a time so they fit. His fingers slipped, dropping it on the counter, only a piece breaking off before the larger portion fell to the floor shattering. Jeremy shrieked and jumped back, staring at the bowl.

Jeremy blinked, staring at the bowl. He blinked rapidly and smiled lightly. Michael came running in, staring at the bowl before looking at Jeremy’s face “Hey, hey, it’s okay” He whispered, trying to pull Jeremy’s gaze away from the broken glass “Jeremy, it’s okay..” He frowned, not getting his attention properly.

Jeremy suddenly looked up into Michael’s eyes and smiled “It’s okay… It's just a bowl” Jeremy laughed.


End file.
